1.Other parts of the country (read: everyone) call the grassy area in the middle of the road the median, but not New Orleanians. Nope, this is called "neutral ground," which is surprisingly accurate because driving in New Orleans is a lot like warfare in an anarchic country. The people here are really friendly, but once behind the wheel, they turn into a cross between Charlie Sheen, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Roseanne Barr, and Larry The Cable Guy, plus the bumblebee guy from The Simpsons.
Imagine this, if you will: you're stopped at a stop sign on a two lane street, and you're turning left on to a six lane street (three lanes each way). Between the opposing lanes of traffic, there is a 20-foot wide grassy median, and a roughly 100-foot gap in the median for making left turns. As you sit at the stop sign, waiting for traffic to clear so you can turn, a car approaching from the left stops in the "neutral ground" waiting to turn left, away from you. As this car waits to turn left, a car pulls in behind it so it can make a U-turn. Both cars are perpendicular to traffic flow, and parallel to you. As this is happening, the same thing is occurring from the other direction, so now there are two cars facing you and two cars facing away from you, all waiting to turn left or make U-turns. Did I mention that there are no left turns allowed at this intersection from the major lanes of traffic? That's right, they're lining up two or three deep to break the law. While this is happening, a police officer or two might drive by - who knows? All I know is that they won't pull anyone over for this. Finally, there is a break in traffic and all four cars make their turns. You look to go, but the gap is closed. Sighing, you turn right, then make a U-turn (see future installments for the definition of "New Orleans left turn"), continuing the dysfunctional relationship you have with the traffic in this town. This is why I don't try to turn left from my street in the morning, but go to the light. It happens every day.
Oh, I forgot to mention that while this is happening, people will stop in the lanes of traffic in front of you and block the entire intersection. Have I mentioned that I hate my commute? I can't wait to move on June 1 to my home in the Lower Garden.
2. Mardi Gras isn't a one day thing, it isn't just on Bourbon Street, and there is no need for nudity in exchange for beads. I figured I'd wrap all of these into one item, just to make it easy. Like many folks around the country, I thought that all Mardi Gras celebrations occur on a Tuesday, they center around Bourbon Street, and I'd see tons of naked breasts. That would be a resounding "no" to all three misconceptions. Mardi Gras is simply the name generic name the nation has given to the Carnival season that runs from Epiphany (January 6) through Mardi Gras day itself (47 days before Easter).
If there is one thing I've learned here, it's that this town doesn't mess around when it comes to partying. Between Epiphany and Fat Tuesday, there are a multitude of parades, balls, parades, parties, parades, dinners, and did I mention parades? These parades are like nothing I've ever seen, and it seems like there is one every other day up until the last four days before Mardi Gras, when there are 2-3 every day. It's crazy! Each parades features floats, bands, local celebrities, and literally tons of throws. Throws can be frisbees, cups, necklaces, decorated shoes (Muses parade), stuffed animals, or many other things, but the one throw that is always present is beads. If you believe Girls Gone Wild, there are nubile women eagerly removing their clothing in hopes of catching a $0.25 strand of beads, but the reality is that when you attend a parade, you can't help but catch at least a few strands of beads and some other throws because there are just so many things thrown. Don't believe me? Check out Napoleon Avenue after a parade or two on the Saturday before Mardi Gras:
See? It's not so bad.
So where are the boobs? They're down on Bourbon Street, and that's pretty much where they reside. The vast majority of the events surrounding Carnival are family friendly, and I attended them with my wife and daughter. It's a great time, and a great party on the streets. Because there aren't any open container laws here, there aren't any issues with having to duck into a bar to drink while at the party, nor do you have to buy beer from a vendor. You can bring your own drinks, but, if you have to, you can purchase beers for $2-3 on the street from any number of tents. Sacramento could take a lesson from this town on how to throw a party, for sure.
Well done!
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